Recent studies are showing that spanking makes children more violent. (See http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20100412/hl_time/08599198101900) This makes logical sense. The message conveyed in spanking is this: If I am stronger than you or dwell in an authority position in your life, I have the right to inflict pain on you as I see fit. When a child then wants to feel powerful and assert him- or herself, s/he will follow suit and prove supremacy through physical means.
In Roald Dahl’s marvelous children’s fiction book Matilda, the school’s principle Miss Trunchbull stands impressively over the children and asserts that she can do them physical harm because, “I’m big, you’re little! I’m strong, you’re weak!” Whatever our more sophisticated message as spanking adults may be, trust me, this is the message that spanked children are hearing. We go to great lengths and expense to teach children not to bully. We then turn around and really, when you break it down, bully them. We may think of it in more sophisticated terms, but children do not. The conflictual message leaves our children confused. And can you blame them?
If spanking worked to develop consequential thinking and creative problem solving in this day and age, we would be having an entirely different conversation. The bottom line is this: It does not prepare our children for the dynamics they will face.
The alternative is most certainly not to abandon teaching our children boundaries, or letting them run the show as we find in “New School Parenting.” We need to avoid extremes and find ways to actually teach values. How do we keep the healthy principles of respect, order and secure boundaries offered by OSP? Stay tuned as we explore the topic more in my next blog!
(For additional support, see www.cckidz.com. Your positive future begins today!)
June 19, 2011 at 9:48 pm |
Yes, yes yes! Thanks for pointing this out.
There is a middle ground, and it lies in the same place of the Dog Whisperer’s methods, strangely enough. A parent needs to be calm and assertive, to be a good pack leader ( parent) . Boundaries need to be made to allow a child to feel safe, but they need to be made calmly as losing your temper signals a loss of control which translates on an energy level as weakness.
There is no need for physical violence in this world. An eye for an eye just leads to the whole world being blind.